Quiet Desperation

to Robert

Quoting a Very Famous Person,
Robert said so many times
that most people live the lives
of a quiet desperation.

They grind their teeth while smiling
to keep the appearances
of effortless happiness and success
- whatever they mean by that!

They are making their parents proud:
Getting married, build careers,
pleasing spouses, raising children;
in their lovely picket-fenced homes
they fear their own freedom.

They expect great rewards in this or in an after-life
from the cruel gods they choose to fear:
For living a loveless life, and for not knowing who they are;
for selling their soul to the devil of Compliance
who charms them with a sweet talk,
and looking deeply into their eyes
sways them to follow the one who follows last.

And only sometimes
when their spouse sleeps soundly at their side,
in the deepest dark of the night
secretly they take off their masks
and allow themselves to be who they are.

Feeling the loneliness of their own being,
staring at the ceiling during sleepless nights
with emptiness in their eyes and dry throats
or quietly crying in their pillows,
they yearn to be loved.

I am sure that the degree of desperation
varies from person to person;
sometimes it is bearable, sometimes they break free
like I did...
But I thought they always can get off their knees
and choose not to live such life
of a quiet desperation.

I've learned only now
that sometimes the choice has been made for us:
I did not choose for you to be gone,
I did not choose to cry at night,
I did not choose not to see the love in your eyes.
I didn't choose to keep the appearances
and smile while inside I'm falling apart.

Without your love
my life has become one of those lives
Robert was talking about,
echoing a Very Famous Person:
Without your love I live a life
of a quiet desperation.

Eterne

June 2010